Tuesday, August 27, 2013

And then I Fell in Love

It has been awhile since I've written. In fact, my last post was the day before I met him. The last four months have been full of ups and downs. I met a man, someone that I thought was amazing, someone I fell in love with, the first person I fell in love with since my husband. In a short 4 months, I had given my heart to this man, and then I was left with a broken heart, missing someone that I thought I loved and that I thought loved me. I'm sad, I'm mad, and I'm angry. I am always so guarded with my heart, to protect it from being broken, but I can still remember exactly when I fell in love with him. I was concerned with how quickly we began dating since his prior relationship, but he assured and reassured me that he was ready, and had time to date and fall in love again. Our kids knew each other, they all got along, I liked his kids and they liked me, my boys liked him and he liked them. We even went camping together, as a "family." He met my family and I had met his, he met my friends and people in my church, and I his. And then we hit a wall, he was different, and now it's over. Just like that, someone I loved is gone, again. My heart breaks because I just want my boys to have a dad again, they long for it, but I cannot settle for someone who is not ready or willing to commit themselves to a family, and who I do not line up with concerning my religious convictions. This pain is temporary, I am fully aware of the fact that the love I felt for him is much different than the love I had for Luke, but it still hurts. I'm ready to really fall in love, to find the one for me, to remarry, and for the boys to have a dad again. While it hurts so bad, I am thankful that I am able to see red flags and be aware of things when they need to be addressed. That shows strength and growth in my grief. I trust that God has someone in store for us, and while I'm emotionally ready, God's timing is not yet. Please pray for patience and healing, as I truly have a desire to love again.
Thank you for your listening eye,

Mary